He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Randomize
