if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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