she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
