If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
operation have a gay friend backfired
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
