if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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