you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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