saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Randomize