Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
