I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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