im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
