i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
