I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
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