I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Randomize
