just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
