Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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