Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
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