If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
