Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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