I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
