the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
