I wish they made helmets for livers.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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