guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.â€
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