In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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