i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
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do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
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I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.