I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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