right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
