I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
