WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
