We won't sleep together?
I faked an abortion last night.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
