All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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