sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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