Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
