What did we do last night that was yellow?
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
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so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
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We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize