i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
