I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
