I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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