mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Randomize
