Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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