I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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