you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
This baby is an asshole
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
