you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
