Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
