awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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