This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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