i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Randomize
