I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
