last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
