why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
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Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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