You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
