i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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