I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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