I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
should my penis look like a turkey
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
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