I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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