He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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