she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I love having hate sex.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
