Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
