I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
how drunk are you?
Several
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
