I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
