We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
