last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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