hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
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you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
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