What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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