He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
