Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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