Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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